Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You`re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don`t trouble the other employees.
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
A month later the boss returns and says: "You`re all working very hard, and I`m very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our cleaners has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disavowed all knowledge of the missing cleaner.
After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"
A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we`ve been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
Intelligent Maid
Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What s your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.
Laloo's Defeat Aftermath
A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward.
A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening.
A guy from the front replied, "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road.
He is refusing to move from there!"
"But why?"
"He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines!
He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help him pay the fine!"
"So how much has been collected so far?"
"Six litres!"
Why kill a blonde?
George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
20 Year Guarantee
My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack.
"Doctor," she pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild's bar mitzvah."
"We'll try," he replied compassionately.
In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.
Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."
"We'll do our best," he replied.
And my friend happily attended her granddaughter's wedding.
Ten years passed. Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously. One morning she called him. "Doctor," she began, "I'm feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:
Remember how you saw me through to my grandson's bar mitzvah?"
"Yes."
"And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter's wedding?"
"Yes."
"Well, as you know I've just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress."
"Yes?"
"It has a 20-year guarantee..."
The barman says, "Yep, that`s them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We`re planning World War III".
And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde.
The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"
How to ask your boss for a salary increase
One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.
I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon
Your$ $incerely
Norman $oh
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply
Dear NOrman
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean
Yours truly
Manager
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.
I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon
Your$ $incerely
Norman $oh
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply
Dear NOrman
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean
Yours truly
Manager
20 Year Guarantee
My friend Ada was slowly recovering from a heart attack.
"Doctor," she pleaded with her cardiologist, "you must keep me alive for the next two years. I want to attend my first grandchild's bar mitzvah."
"We'll try," he replied compassionately.
In due course Ada gratefully attended the festive rite of passage.
Some time later she again spoke to her doctor. "My granddaughter is to be married in 18 months. Please help me to be able to attend her wedding."
"We'll do our best," he replied.
And my friend happily attended her granddaughter's wedding.
Ten years passed. Ada visited her cardiologist regularly and followed his instructions religiously. One morning she called him. "Doctor," she began, "I'm feeling fine, but I have another request to ask of you:
Remember how you saw me through to my grandson's bar mitzvah?"
"Yes."
"And later how you helped me attend my granddaughter's wedding?"
"Yes."
"Well, as you know I've just celebrated my 80th birthday. And I just bought myself a new mattress."
"Yes?"
"It has a 20-year guarantee..."
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